I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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