i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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