Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
