I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
