I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
