this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
