so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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