Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
