Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
