WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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