Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
