K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
