I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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