youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
