i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
