You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
