dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
