My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
