is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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