Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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