I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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