i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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