we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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