That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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