Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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