Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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