So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
