:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
