my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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