So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
