She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found the puke drawer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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