we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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