I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have aggressive nipples.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
