there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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