So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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