There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
