Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize