so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
