No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
