I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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