Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
