sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
