Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
