Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
