You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
