There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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