dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
