If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
