i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
