So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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