Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
