i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
