I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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