You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
