this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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