Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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