garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you would pick up someone in the library
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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