1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and she was petting her beer can
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
