i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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