I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
