oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
