You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
