why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
