Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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