Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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