idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
