ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
