So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
