ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
