All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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