11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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