OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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