i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
