Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
