I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
