She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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