so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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