Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
