If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
