2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
