I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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