plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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