Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
