so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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