you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
