She said her name was "party"
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
