i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
