I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
