sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
